Money marriage

Being married nearly fifty-two years, I claim some knowledge about the situation and related money matters, but keep in mind that also means I am a full fledged dinosaur so I expect my views will be met with consternation by younger folks.

It worked out fine? I’m thinking not so much. Why? Because it appears the his and her responsibility thing didn’t work out so well. What ever happened to “we” in a marriage?

Separate bank accounts, separate bill paying, reliance on one of the incomes for a major portion of debt payments? I’m befuddled.

My wife and I were married in 1968 while I was in the army. From the day I came home in August 1969, we lived off only my income, we bought our first house, a very modest house, based on all the bills that could be paid by my income. From August 1969 until May 1970 when my wife stopped working outside the home, we saved her income for our down payment.

All that meant that by today’s standards we lived modestly. As the years passed and my income increased things got better and after working nearly fifty-years, retirement is secure and enjoyable.

No, I never lost my job, but I also did not have multiple property and mortgages in my 30’s or 40’s I was more worried about paying for college for four children five years apart. We discussed money a great deal and we never made any purchase without agreement and except for the house, we never got into debt.

“I felt like he’s relying on me more as a woman,” More like a business partner than a woman I’d say. Oops, my dinosaur is showing. Relying on a woman and a wife had a different definition back in the day.

Before the coronavirus, Tara Beier and her husband, Dennis, rarely discussed money. They kept separate bank accounts and divided their household responsibilities. Her husband, 42, covered the mortgage on the two properties they own, while Ms. Beier, 38, managed and took care of a rental home. It worked fine for their 12 years of marriage.

And then the world shut down, and his job as a producer in the film industry evaporated. Suddenly, the mortgage fell on Ms. Beier’s shoulders. A singer-songwriter, she is in now responsible for covering mortgage, food, everyday expenses and rent. She doesn’t mind: “I felt like he’s relying on me more as a woman,” said Ms. Beier, who lives in Santa Monica, Calif.

But it has also been a challenge. Ms. Beier didn’t really know much about their financial situation, and she had always been reluctant to ask.

How Covid Has Altered the Conversation About Money
https://www.nytimes.com/2020/09/17/fashion/weddings/how-covid-has-altered-the-conversation-about-money.html?referringSource=articleShare

2 comments

  1. Love reading all your posts. We also got married in 1968, still married , worked 49 years same job, educated two children. No separate accounts, my wife did not work, one income, our income and all financial decisions were made together. Same home for 40 years, moved to retirement community and still there. This is why I enjoy your writing.

    Bob

    Like

  2. Not spending more than you earn is way too simplistic for most people…keeping up with the Jones is a suckers game…owning less is more everything.

    Like

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