TSA and HHS join forces to keep you healthy, but will you still have a chance at the exit row?

Stewardess in a Swiss flight
Image via Wikipedia

Under health care reform any routine health care services, screenings and such will be reimbursed at 100% beginning in 2011. That includes Medicare and private coverage.

However, are we missing an opportunity for even more efficiency, cost savings and better health care?

If we could get the TSA and HHS to coordinate their efforts, think of all the benefits. The need for doctor appointments would decline, air travel would increase, the waiting room would be the airline lounge (free drinks too). Hey, we are going to be screened from head to toe so let’s do it right. Make that full body scan an MRI or CAT and give us a copy of the results to take along with our boarding pass.

To be sure, not all of us potential terrorists are concealing anything; but I think we should include a sigmoidoscopy too. After all, the way airlines and TSA screeners treat flyers these days we would hardly notice the exam. Talk about an invasive government.

Peace and love, peace and love

While they are screening us they can assess the food we have eaten and provide healthy eating educational material (better do that screening before we eat the airline food).

Let’s train flight attendants in physical therapy so they can administer treatment in-flight to flyers injured trying to lift their 200-pound carry-on approved bag into the shrinking size overhead compartment in the never-ending quest to avoid luggage fees.

As long as they are asking if I packed my own bag, why not a few more questions. Did you floss this morning? Have you had a bowl movement recently? Do you smoke? Have you taken all your prescribed medication?  Did you remember to bring “protection?”

To board a flight you will have to prove you have health insurance or pay a new travel tax and be banned from the exit row. Free peanuts or pretzels will be replaced with a free pregnancy test or DNA swab, your choice.

I think I am on to something, the friendly skies can become the healthy skies…and it is all “free.” Mayo Clinic watch your back, Dr Napolitano is on the move.

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